I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
