found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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