That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
