id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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