sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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