I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
