i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
