we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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