sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
