You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
