i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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