Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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