i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
