saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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