my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
