Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
