after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
