You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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