I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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