meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize