Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
