did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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