her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
sarcasm needs its own font
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
