I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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