Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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