I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
