i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
