Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
