it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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