who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
