Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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