My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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