tell your sister to shave her snatch
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
