and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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