Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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