Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
