i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I touched a dick in church today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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