There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
