I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize