Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize