My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
