wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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