Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
