My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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