I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
