Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
