Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
