All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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