Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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