So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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