I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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