her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
