Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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