ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
