Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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