I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
