i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
