just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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