party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize