I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
