i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
