my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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