I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize