we have officially lost it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
