I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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