Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
