"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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