it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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