i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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