That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
