Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize